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i'm now using my family computer and i'm in the living room. i'm not using my laptop to write this new entry because my laptop is located in my bedroom and nowadays i can't seem to concentrate on writing an entry when i happen to on my laptop. maybe it's giving off too much heat and causing me heat rashes. nah, just kidding. but that's what happens - i off the laptop and bounce onto my bed with a book on hand. that's right, i'm kind of losing my virtual self. is that a good thing?

just a moment ago before dinner, i sat in front of the window and stared out blankly for 15 minutes or so. i guess it's a good way to relax after a hectic day. well, not really hectic for me today but i was feeling really moody. thinking back, i left the house for work in a really good mood. it's monday after all, a brand new day of a new week. i don't understand what's with this monday blues woe that everyone's suffering from. i think it's just an excuse to make one moody. ok, so i was feeling really great from home to work, but when i reached my workplace, it seemed like everywhere was surrounded by this monday blues aura. and this was when my mood began to decelerated from a good to a bad. but i still tried to cheer myself up now and then when someone talked to me.

it's different when someone comes up and strike a conversation with you than when you try to take the initiative. because everytime you take the initiative to talk to someone, you're risking getting a 'not interested' reply or look. rejection that is. but to me, when someone comes up to me and talk to me, it never fails to brighten up my day a little, because it means that there's someone who is willing to listen to my reply.

in my 20 years of life, i have come across many people who don't really care about my feelings or my words, took me for granted, or treated me badly. i guess i can never forget because all these are buried deep within me. sometimes i wonder what's really wrong with me that makes people treat me that way. i doubt myself. but, no matter what, allowing me to continue moving on are strengths given to me by those who really care for me, those who are willing to stand by my side, and those who are not embarrassed to be with me. embarrassed? yes, i do feel that there are people who are ashamed to have me as their friend. call me sensitive, it's just a feeling i get when i'm with certain people.

unhappy stuff are buried within me, but i can choose not to dig them up again and just leave them where they are, and let happy stuff pile up above them.
Posted by Xie Bin at 8:23 PM

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